The MLS Schedule

Benjamin Kowalsky
Feb 10th 2011

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Have you ever been so enraged at one part of a thing that it ruins the rest of that thing?

I have.

And I dont think its entirely unreasonable either. If I have a bowl of punch, and someone throws a clump of cat sick in it, I have an entire bowl of ruined punch.

"But Ben, the rest of the punch is just fine! Dont worry about it! I mean, they got 99% right, didnt they?

Very well, complacent Rapids fans, go ahead and drink the rest of that punch. Drink it to the last drop. But mark my words, no matter how hard you try you are going to have to deal with the glaring fact that theres some disgusting cat sick floating in that punchbowl.

And the rest of the punch isnt really all that good anyway.

Depending on who you talk to: the floating cat sick is either the Wednesday fixture against Salt Lake City, or the HORRIFYING list of fixtures that are happening in July. Go ahead. Look. Ill be waiting here for you till you get back.

Hopefully now youve come back, with both or at least one of your eyes still in tact.


First, Rapids fans. MLS decided to make our yearly road-trip to Salt Lake City even MORE difficult by placing the match, for no good reason, on a Wednesday. A WEDNESDAY. The least liked day of the week. Even less than Monday. Its that day of the week between Two-for-Tuesdays and Thirsty-Thursdays when bars decide to do fuck-all. Fuck-All-Wednesdays.

First, the game itself is on Wednesday the 13th. The Rapids dont have their next fixture till the following Friday. And RSL doesnt have their next fixture until the following Saturday! Whats the problem here? Is it player rest? Do you think that the teams will just be too exhausted? is that it?

Before you say yes to that, Id like to invite you to the other bit of cat-sick in this punch bowl: The month of July.

The Players and Coaching staff have a right to be upset about that month. I am dubbing it: HELL MONTH.

Why Hell Month, you ask? Well, lets take a look.

Colorado has its first game of the month against Houston on Sunday, July 3rd. At home. Kind of sweaty, but OK. The Next game comes up on Wednesday July 6th. Away. At Kansas City.

Whoa. Wait. Just three days later? How are the players supposed to recover from their previous match in time for the next one against....

Then they get to come home for a game that Saturday, July 9th, against Vancouver. Thats three games in a nine day period. Bouncing back and forth between home-and-away games. Nice work.

If were fortunate enough to grab all 9 points, let alone if all our boys are still alive by the end of that, the fun just keeps rolling.

The following week, starting July 16th, we start in Seattle, then come home for New York and New England. Boom. Boom. Boom. Back and to the left. Back and to the left.

Getting back to my point about Salt Lake: Is the match on a Wednesday it out of concern that the players will be too tired to play on a Saturday and then again on the following Friday? Please. Absolutely not.

Apparently, the league was so upset that neither the LA Galaxy nor the New York Red Bulls made the Final that it decided that they would literally KILL the current champions by playing them to death over the hot summer month of July.

Were through the looking glass here, people.

So, Ben, are you happy with the Rapids Schedule for 2011?

My answer: Unless you can get me drunk enough to forget both the week of April 10th and then the entire month of July? I wouldnt bet on it.

Mountain Roads... Take me Home. I need a drink.